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da..da...DAAAH!

Posted on 2010.02.03 at 11:40
Current Mood: exhaustedexhausted
Current Music: barenaked ladies kid music
Okay, as nervous as this makes me, I just need to get it over with.
Oh, it's sooo embarrassing!
OK. I'll tell you:

I have a blog. I started it a while ago when I realized I was writing many posts as if they were for an audience. So, I up and got a wordpress blog. My wondiferous blog will talk about canning, cooking, kids, homeschooling, being geeky while being domestic, etc.


Oh, here's the address:

http://restrainedchaos.wordpress.com

Go, read, enjoy.


When hearts are knit together.

Posted on 2010.01.14 at 22:28
Current Mood: pleasedpleased
Just wanted to post this little experience during the prayer at dinner:
We had watched some footage about Haiti, and Ed was a little affected by it. I had mentioned earlier that she could pray for Heavenly Father to help them. She was picked to say the prayer, and right at the end she asks this in a quiet, worried voice:
"please, help all the people who are dying and please, really please help all the people who are in trouble."

Sometimes you know they're learning the important things.


Posted on 2010.01.08 at 01:18
Current Mood: contemplativecontemplative
So my grade got fixed in the school's system. but, apparently the school's computers don't talk to each other, since I'm still on academic suspension. that means I have to get that taken care of. good thing I have to be on campus for a doctor's appointment anyway.

Finally took Shippo to the doctor since he's been dealing with crud since before Thanksgiving and had graduated to really nasty gag-inducing coughs. he was given an antibiotic and a nebulizer treatment (albuterol). hopefully we can get the kids' birth certificates in time to get the medicaid reopened so we'll have some help with that. the albuterol and antibiotic were expensive enough. Ed's a little bit sick, but that's mostly manifesting in crankiness and clingyness. And bursting into tears about everything. and being incredibly distractible, even more so than usual.

been feeling somewhat better in my back recently. it may be a placebo effect, but I think the medicine is helping me deal with the pain and get things done. that being said, even a minor change feels good, so it's not thaaat much better. still going to physical therapist, and i need to remember to do my exercises.

Handsome is excited about his classes (except art history) this semester. he dropped CIT 2 for Sequential Design and has some pretty cool upcoming projects.

been feeling nauseous lately. this, coupled with the feeling that we need to lay off the birth control, makes us both understandably nervous. but, it could just be my horrible eating schedule. i rarely eat anything before 2 or 3. and, by then, i'm starving so i make stupid choices.

as a side note, i'd like to explain a little about the above birth control comment. sorry if this gets a little personal, i just thought some might find the statement vague and weird.

since we were first married (i mean married all of a week) we have had strong impressions, answers to prayers, and answers in the temple that we are on the Lord's timing for children. It was NEVER in our game plan to have a kid right off. Some of you are familiar with my 7-year plan and how well that actually worked, and the plan after that calling for myself finishing college and supporting Handsome through college before having kids. yah. that one. we felt strongly that first week that we should not be on birth control. next month: we're pregnant with our wonderful, fabulous, smart, clever, silly little girl. while this meant my leaving college and us moving to Idaho, we knew this was how our family was supposed to be started. It was probably a trial-by-fire thing, since two kids while two parents try to go to school is INSANE. But I think this time in our life would have been horribly lonely if not for our monsters. And the joy of being able to teach these guys and see them grow and learn right before my eyes is incomparable. That's part of why I love homeschooling.
So, anywasy, we have hardly ever used birth control during our 6 years of marriage. and we haven't had any instances where something happened that wasn't supposed to. yes, we had the two miscarriages. But I am certain that those were for us to grow, experience loss, and learn empathy for others who have suffered. Otherwise, there's Shippo, who came on Heavenly Father's schedule. Certainly he didn't come on mine: I expected to have a kid every two years and have had a really hard time with the amount of time between each child. I mean a REALLY hard time. But, that's because I still have trouble accepting someone else's schedule instead of my own. I'm nothing if not stubborn. ;)
Recently, there was increased pressure from my doctor and family that we NEEDED to be on birth control or the world would end! Honestly, the hardest part of doing as the Lord wishes in this case is dealing with everyone that insists that we have to do our part in family planning to get the Lord's help. Yes, I know perfectly well that He expects us to do our part in what He requires of us. However, we've received some pretty clear counsel to not use birth control. Therefore, we are doing exactly what we're supposed to be doing.
Unfortunately, we listened to all these voices in the past year and for about half the year (taking a break in the summer when we couldn't afford it) were on birth control. For our anniversary, we finally got to the Rexburg temple and did some temple work and spent some time in there, seeking answers to a few questions, this one included. And, Shocker!, we got the same exact answer as we have in the past: to leave this in the Lord's hands. So, once again, we were reminded of what we already knew and actually felt kind of silly for allowing ourselves to forget.



wow, I didn't mean for that to go so long. Perhaps I just needed to get that out since it's been really stressful dealing with the constant exhortations to be on birth control and worries about my health. Duh. I know how hard another pregnancy would be on me right now. And, I know the Lord does expect me to do my part in trying to take care of my body. But, if we have another child sometime soon, I know that He will help us all survive and thrive. But I'll also need to still do my part: exercising, working on my back, trusting that His schedule for our family is the right one since He knows what's coming and what we need even when we don't.


Posted on 2010.01.03 at 03:59
Current Mood: depresseddepressed
one more year into the future, and no hovercar. man, this future thing's a bust. ;)


Well, haven't posted in a while. I don't remember if I posted this before, but my parents kept the kids for the last three weeks of the semester in order for Handsome and I to get our schoolwork done. We survived. I had to let one class go to pot because I was not getting anywhere with it at all (Music Theory as an online class is near to impossible!) and my other classes were suffering. Yah, it's funny that I've done chorus and singing for so many years and never learned real music theory before. But my English grammar class and library research class went well. I got an A & a B. However, I'm currently on academic suspension until they fix their own mistake that turned my B into an F. le Blah. Good thing I don't have any classes this upcoming semester.
Anywasy, kids were brought back before Christmas, safe and sound. Christmas was stressful and I had a hard time dealing with it. But it's over, the kids are glutted with presents from their father (and myself, he just really likes to have a big Christmas) and all their grandparents. Now we're dealing with the post-Christmas toy organization and clean-up.

Speaking of this semester and the new year, I refuse to set resolutions. I just set myself up for depression and self-loathing if I do. However, I will set out general goals. Here they are:

Encourage my personal domesticity: Do more projects in the home that make me happy: canning, sewing, cooking, baking, etc. More on this in a minute.

Get my daughter reading: She's already quick as a whip in math, but she's had a difficulty with connecting letters and words. But I'm trying out a new phonics program, more basic (kind of like how Saxon math is), and we'll see how it goes.

Do kid crafts: Really, this is a Field of Dreams situation here. If I stock it, she will craft. Ed has a really cool ability to look at something and figure out a) what she wants to turn it into and b) what she needs to do it. And she comes up with the funniest things! She was coloring a picture about a shaduf (ancient irrigation) and drew flying beavers from New York City. :D!!! Too funny. She's taking an art class this semester, so she should have fun with that.

Manage my pain, fatigue, fibromyalgia, back, ADD & exercise level: kind of obvious, but my various disabilities are severely impacting our family. I'm going to a physical therapist now, but I have trouble remembering to do the exercises because of my ADD and fibro. I'm just lucky when I remember to do homeschooling. It's so frustrating. As for the pain, it immobilizes me. And the fatigue makes me go around in a fog or become snappish. Heck, snappish is understatement of 2010. I can be downright Jekyll/Hyde. I hate it. I don't feel like myself and I'm dealing with a lot of anger. Don't worry, I'm not dangerous. I'm just trying to deal. As ever, life is restrained chaos.

Get more done towards my degree: again, obvious. If I can find a way to go full-time, then I will be done when Handsome is. Oh, and he's going for a Master's degree so he can teach at the University level. ~sigh~ At least 2 more years tacked on. But, we'll manage.

Well, I wanted to post about a book I was able to read while the kids were gone, but that'll have to wait until tomorrow. Have a good Sunday!


sad songs and waltzes aren't selling this year...

Posted on 2009.12.10 at 02:27
Current Mood: accomplishedaccomplished
Current Music: something corporate, death cab for cutie, bowling for soup, cake etc.
christmas is coming,
the goose is getting fat.
please to put a penny in the old man's hat.
if you haven't got a penny a ha'penny will do.
if you haven't got a ha'penny, then god bless you!

sorry, just had to get that out. okay, lots of updating to do:

white collar: have you seen it? it's a USA network show, and it is wonderful. Watch it through (legally on hulu) and then just die with the finale. I can't wait until january when it's on again.

discovered a cowboy bebop-like anime: Baccano. we'll see if it's any good. but, just judging from the credits, i'm excited.
also on my list to watch on hulu/surfthechannel:
rewatch martian successor nadesico
darker than black
keep watching heroic age
seirei no moribito
le chevalier deon
keep watching angelic layer

i haven't seen some of those, so i can't say if i'll keep watching them. but, they look interesting, so i'll try them. any warnings? or other suggestions?

i didn't want to mention this before, but my grandad (Boppa) died a little while ago. it's hard because i hadn't seen him since before we got married.

discovered two new groups:
No More Kings (zombies, karate kid and dungeon & dragons)
E Nomine (germans with latin)

hey, Kirs, do you remember that crazy bug anime music video that we watched at that B-movie night with Quark? it had all these bugs from a series i cannot remember and they were dancing around. i remember it being absolutely hilarious. as vague as that description is, do you remember what i'm talking about?

i wish i had been able to read the last book of fruits basket right after the one before it. it wasn't as good by itself and a couple of weeks later.

did you know we lost our kids? ;) yep, we left them in CO with my parents. they kindly offered to keep them until after this semester is finished. as much as i hate having them gone, it's nice having time together that we literally have never had. ever since we've been married, we've had kids around in one form or another. we've been actually able to have study dates, go to movies, travel to IF without planning an entire expedition... i'm lonely for the kids, but this is a really nice break that we can hold onto to keep us sane when they're back and life gets far more complicated again. after we left, thinking they'd be back by the 14th, it was decided that my family will bring them out the 20th and stay for Christmas. i miss my babies...

thanksgiving was spent in CO with my family, everyone was there except kirk, robin and milla. wish you guys could have come! and guess what we did while we were out there? we shot firearms! i only went for one of the range times, but i got to shoot a revolver and a semi-automatic pistol. i definitely preferred the revolver, and did really well for my first time. handsome went another time and shot rifles also, but i wasn't as interested in those and took ed to go see ponyo.

btw, i don't recommend buying anymore barbie movies. they used to be great, but they are currently taking girl power to extremes. girl power shouldn't require that men are completely eclipsed and pathetic. i see no problem with a strong male character alongside a strong female character. however, the new three musketeers movie is so full of new feminism that it was ridiculous. i have no problem with my daughter learning that she can achieve anything she wants to, but i draw the line at making men out to be inferior and useless. i don't need her having contempt for her father and brothers and future husband.

anything else? hmm...can't think of anything at the moment. have a good night/morning and take care!


Posted on 2009.11.15 at 01:53
Current Mood: amusedamused
I don't usually post so close together, but I have to laugh. I'm watching the tv versions of matrix 1, 2 & 3. And they are DUMB. I mean, really, why did i ever think they were cool? They are over exaggerated, Keanu Reeves is horrible, the fights scenes are ludicrous and over-dramatic. It also screams late 90s. Ugh. The only thing I find interesting is how it so obviously reflects the obsession of the time with computers, technology and what they can do for us. And then there's the Asimov angle of technology taking over.

on another note: have you seen V? what do you think of it?


oh, and i cease to recommend Stargate: Universe. The Earth episode just completely turned me off. I have no desire to see such blatant sex scenes. And there just hasn't been enough in the way of plot to keep me watching. So, I'm watching V now. ;)


Posted on 2009.11.14 at 18:01
Current Mood: soresore
Wow, what a trip. I just saw a lot of people I knew back in high school (CO) on facebook. It's weird to see all the "Mo's" grown up and married. Even my little beehives. So crazy. Angel, Adam, Marianne, Justin, Allison, Steve, Sr. Jarvis, Sr. Bair, etc. Really cool.

On another note, I have all but one book left of Fruits Basket. So I've read the climactic book (22), which made me cry. Looking forward to the rest of the loose threads being tied up. It's odd, almost everyone ends up with someone to love them except Momiji, the one who has so much love to give. Soooo sad. Definitely a series I wouldn't mind owning. Along with Parfait Tic if they ever get that published in English. In fact, I think Parfait Tic lends itself more to repeated reading than Fruits Basket.

My back's been shot for several days now. Yesterday it was bad enough that I couldn't walk around much. Going to IF the day before didn't help (Emergency trip. Shippo broke Handsome's glasses. We bought bendy ones this time). Today, it's slightly better, but not by much. I might just fold and give the kids spaghettios for the second night in a row. But I have some zucchini I know they would like...

What else is going on? Did you know LucasArts actually DID come out with a Force Unleashed PC game? About a year after the release of the console games? I feel so used. I only bought the Wii to play Force Unleashed on. And I find out it's all a gimmick to sell Wii's. I fell for it, hook, line, and sinker. Stupid me.

Was reading Little House in the Big Woods to Ed & Shippo earlier. They definitely liked it. Although I think Ed was on the verge of becoming a vegetarian for a few minutes there when she found out we kill animals for the meat we eat. :D So funny. But, I think she likes her meat too much to actually do it. That's my girl. ;)

I discovered a band recently: Nightwish. I've only heard a few of their songs so far, but I really like the sound. Especially with their former lead singer, her voice is more operatic and less pop. It almost sounds like it would lend itself well to Celtic music. Nightwish is a Finnish, symphonic, heavy metal rock band. From what I've read, they're kind of the forerunner of all those rock/metal bands right now with female lead singers (like Evanescence). I think they sound purty.

I love it when things we've talked about for school stick in Ed's head. She was discussing an imaginary map to the store and said she had to cross the Nile to get there. And not when it was flooding, but when it was "flat". Hehe. We also made rock crystals semi-successfully the other day and talked about salt and sugar can be dissolved into a liquid which could be evaporated to reveal new crystals. She thought it was cool.

Anything else? My mother doesn't approve, but I've let one of my classes fall to the wayside. I just couldn't meet the deadlines and I wasn't understanding the material very well. I just couldn't do the class along with my 2 others and take care of the kids, my house, and my back. And my husband. ;)


Posted on 2009.11.06 at 03:23
Current Mood: worriedworried
why do i post so early in the morning? perhaps it's so i can pretend that everyone else is up and awake with my insomniac self. ;D

pictures on facebook of Ed's b-day, Halloween, and general family doings.

pssst! don't tell my mother, but i was able to go to water aerobics on campus last night. it was fun! i hope to be able to go mondays and wednesdays when Handsome doesn't have work. i apparently have an aversion to getting babysitters.

been watching the new inuyasha series (supposed to be one more season to produce a satisfying ending). it's okay, if a bit rushed. also been fishing for things to watch on quark.

what do you think of Stargate: Universe? when i forget that it's stargate, i like it much better. other shows i'm waiting on for new seasons: eureka & psych.

i'm concerned. Ed is being more and more violent towards Shippo. She hits him with objects, kicks him, pushes his head into spaces between the dresser and the wall. It's bad. And, i fear, getting worse. I'm not quite sure how to combat it. she's gotten worse in many ways since we are cracking down on her cleaning her room (she can't go to preschool if she doesn't. and that means she's missed a lot of days). also, since we've started school again. i'm so torn because i want to be done with school, i want to be able to keep my home in better order, be more consistent with homeschooling, and explore canning and breadmaking and all those molly-mormon type things. however, we need my income right now and if i stopped going to school we'd have to start paying back my loans without even a bachelor's to show for it. so, i'm between the same rock and hard place i've been for while. and i still can't make up my mind.

(i'll tell you a secret: my dreams of being a chef or a resturanteur have evolved. i want to become an educator. i want to write a cookbook that takes recipes you would love to make and translates them to food storage. i am tired of food storage/emergency preparedness cookbooks that have these unappealing mishmashes as recipes. i want people to cook from my cookbook before, after, and during, an emergency/disaster/loss of job. i also want to educate college-age/20 & 30 somethings in canning and food storage because i think this age group is intimidated, disinterested or just plain uninformed on how to do it during this time of life. anyways, remember, it's a secret. my plans for global domination cannot be revealed.)



wells, i have to get some sleep so i can work on schoolwork tomorrow. maybe i'll get that doctor's appointment and get some anti-depressants. that'd be nice...


Posted on 2009.10.15 at 16:55
Current Mood: draineddrained
i lost my keys, any idea where they are?

i'm actually back on the Quark boards. it's always fun to reconnect and meet the newbies. although....i can't seem to find the off-topic section. did we kill it?

mega stress with finances right now: i have a bunch of dental work (that's what i get for not going to the dentist for a couple of years) and we had a misunderstanding with financial aid on how much we'd be getting. and we had to do the trip to NE, and my MRI. le blargh.

my back hurts today, and i've had practically no sleep the last two nights. mostly my fault. you know how i am about actually going to bed. Ed had fun at preschool, seems they had a hawaiian theme today. Shippo is having fun being bigger and taller and able to do and say so much more.

things are so stressful for Handsome with school that I am seriously considering just taking an associates. but then there's the question of what to do for money. that factor always messes up my equation.

meh. i'm tired and i still have at least 2 hours before i can legally put the kids to bed.


Posted on 2009.10.07 at 21:46
Current Mood: exanimateexanimate
Hi, I bet you don't know this.



We're still alive. ;)



Aren't you relieved?


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